I Started a Novel Today

Cheesecake isn't even my favorite dessert, but I told her it was. She makes me one every time she comes to visit. In some ways she's a good mother-in-law. I tell everyone my favorite dessert is cheesecake – cherry cheesecake to be specific. My staff brings me one, always homemade, on my birthday and other random occasions (their delivery usually precedes, by a day or two, a time off request or some other favor. [truth be told, I will honor requests without bribery. I like to think of myself as a kind, generous, understanding boss]). The truth is, however, that I wouldn't even rank cheesecake anywhere near the top third of my favorite foods. I only like eating it because it reminds me of my Nana. Every bite seems to bring back a memory or adds specificity to an ongoing reflective narrative that I've been carrying around in my head. See, cheesecake was Nana's favorite food in the world. At least I think it was. But, being as there are so many things that I don't know about her, I'm going to go ahead and assure myself that cheesecake was her favorite food. When there are so many gaps and holes in a story you long to make sense of, sometimes you find yourself building bridges out of bits and pieces of nonsense and assumptions in order to traverse the tale.

I Still Love Kurt Vonnegut -OR- Time Consumer

Listen Up, Kid -OR- Sleep Comes to Everyone

I decided to make Kennedy her first mix CD. Traditional lullabies are really BLAH. The goal, after all, is to ease her to sleep - not bore her to tears. I hope she finds these beautiful songs soothing before she acquires the gift of language. Why are the most depressing songs, lyrically, the most serene?

Perfecting Loneliness - OR - Simple Pleasures

Why Write Here Right Now? -or - My First Post

Why am I starting a blog? It seems so very 2008-ish. There are three reasons:

1) My job is sucking the life out of my body and my brain cells out of my ears at an alarming rate. I think I am getting dumber by the day. Someone walked into my office the other day and all I could say was, "Welcome to Costco. I love you." Maybe trying to keep a blog current and interesting will keep my brain working. Hell, it's got to be better than watching ESPN and playing solitaire. Maybe it will keep me from craving EXTRA BIG ASS FRIES.

2) I am applying for teaching jobs. As I am filling out the applications and compiling the required supplemental material, I am beginning to notice that my writing skills have diminished rather alarmingly. Here is sample of one of my "philosophy statements."

As an English Instructor at the collegiate level, it is my duty to foster an elastic, courteous, and comfortable environment which encourages students to express, both orally and in writing, their varied ideas and opinions on a myriad of topics. I view my role in this environment not as a lecturer, autocrat, or preacher, but rather a facilitator, tour guide, or talk show host. It is paramount, then, that I develop an understanding of the individuals who compose my classes. With this knowledge in hand, I will be prepared to design assignments that force students to critically examine their own values and morals while introducing them to the views of others. As an instructor, my ultimate goal is to enable my students to gain, through critical analysis, a more profound sense of self. I want students to be capable of examining, and ultimately understanding, why they think what they think and believe what they believe, not just about themselves, but the community they inhabit as well. Furthermore, it is my hope that these realizations will give my students a greater understanding of, and respect for, others which enables them to participate in educated civil discourse on a multitude of topics with anyone regardless of age, race, religious belief, or lifestyle orientation.

No one is going to hire someone who writes like that to cultivate the minds of young adults. I know it might be hard to believe based on the evidence presented thus far, but I used to be a proficient writer and entertaining storyteller. I hope some practice returns me to my former form. That was some mighty fine alliteration just then. It may be working.

3) My daughter, Kennedy, will be born in about two months. This is, to say the least, a big fucking deal. My brain has always been a sieve of sorts (I did it AGAIN), and this experience - the ups and downs, the lessons and the tribulations -is something I want to keep fresh. I assume my problems with memory are mostly due to the fact that I haven't done all that much worth remembering up until now. But, just to be on the safe side...

3b) Put your morbid helmet on for a moment. Suppose my Jeep gets demolished by a bus and I lay in pieces on the highway when Kennedy is three. Suppose I am stricken with a brain tumor when she is six. I assume these blogs will live on for as long as there is an internet. I assume there will be an internet for as long as there are people to become entwined in it. If anything happens and I disappear before she can develop a memory, how will she ever know me. How will she know what I enjoyed and what I thought about things. Something like this will make me more human than any photo or story about Dad.